Discover the best Gambling Addiction & Recovery in Best Sellers. Find the top 100 most popular items in Amazon Books Best Sellers. Therefore, countless inspirational casino quotes have been written by the people who have had an impressive gambling experience or understand exactly how games of chance work. Since there's a deep ocean of quotes about luck, as well as gambling sayings about luck, we've decided to share the ones we like the most. 'Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path, and leave a trail.' Ralph Waldo Emerson. Read the Addiction Recovery Stories about outstanding men and women who exemplify strength, character and are shining examples of using their unique gifts and talents to lead fulfilling lives and contribute to a better world.
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Check out our collection of funny gambling jokes. We are sure they will make you laugh. If you have any gambling jokes as good, upload them at the bottom of this page.
1) I just bet £100 at the bookies that they would find Maddie, at 1000-1 odds. That way, if they ever do find her, I'll be able to afford a fucking good lawyer.
Check out Really Funny Lawyer Jokes
2) Chuck-E-Cheese, because it's never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling.
3) My wife has left me because I am a compulsive gambler. I'd do anything to win her back.
4) Poker is like sex – everyone thinks they're the best, but most people don't have a clue what they're doing. Dutch Boyd
Check out Really Funny Sex Jokes
5) What's the difference between prayer in church and prayer in a casino? In a casino, you really mean it.
6) A blond girl playing freeroll was taking her time and playing very slow. The timer was started and she still could not take a decision how to play the hand. Her friend asked her with surprise, 'What is going on? Why aren't you playing?' The blond girl replied, 'I am playing! I am just slow-playing aces!'
Check out some of the funniest Dumb Blonde Jokes ever
7) Why didn't the elephant like to play cards in the jungle? Because there were too many cheetahs.
8) They say one in every seven friends have a gambling addiction. My money's on Dave.
Check out Really Funny Money Jokes
9) What did the giraffe say to the tiger at the poker table? I thought you were a cheetah.
10) What's the difference between a poker player and a dog? In about ten years, the dog quits whining.
Check out Really Funny Animal Jokes
11) Whats the difference between online poker and live poker? You can cry after a bad beat online and no one will laugh at you.
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12) Sign you might have a poker addiction: your kids are named check and raise.
13) I put a thousand pounds on a horse. The fucking thing collapsed.
Check out some of the best Horse Jokes ever published
14) Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards.
15) 'I am looking for the book named ‘How to win easily and fast with poker.'' 'Please check at the fantastic literature counter.'
16. Husband Comes Home After Gambling
I came home from the pub four hours late last night.
'Where the fuck have you been?' screamed my wife.
I said, 'I've been playing poker with some blokes.'
'Playing poker with some blokes?' she repeated. 'Well, you can pack your bags and go!'
'So can you,' I said. 'This isn't our house anymore.'
17. Professional Gambler Screws Everyone In The Bar
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, 'Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks.'
The bartender said, 'That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first.'
The guy pulled out a huge wad of notes and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. 'Where did you get all that money?' asked the bartender.
'I'm a professional gambler,' replied the man.
The bartender said, 'There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?'
'Well, I only bet on sure things,' said the guy.
'Like what?' asked the bartender.
'Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye,' he said.
The bartender thought about it. 'Okay,' he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. 'Aw, you screwed me,' said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.
'I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye,' said the stranger.
The bartender thought again and said, 'Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet.' So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.
'Aw, you screwed me again!' protested the bartender.
'That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars,' said the man.
With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, 'Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whisky bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop.'
The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. 'Okay, you're on,' he said.
The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whisky bottle.
The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, 'Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!'
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, 'That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!'
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
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Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com
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Casino Quotes:- A casino is a facility for certain types of gambling. Some casinos are also known for hosting live entertainment, such as stand-up comedy, concerts, and sports.
Inspirational Casino Quotes And Sayings
'When Republicans say they want to run a government ‘like a business,' they apparently mean ‘run government like a Trump casino headed straight for bankruptcy court.'-Tom Steyer
'I go to Vegas now, and I'm in the casino, and I'm rambling, and there's a guy in a wet bathing suit gambling right next to me.'-Sebastian Maniscalco
'I still pinch myself that I have a second-hand Aston Martin DBS Volante, the convertible model of James Bond's car from ‘Quantum of Solace' and ‘Casino Royale.'-Paul Hollywood
'Casino gambling is colorful and dramatic and theatrical.'-Steve Wynn
'There is a respectable body of economic thought that holds that casino gambling is actually economically regressive to a state and a community.'-Mario Cuomo
'I competed in a test round of ‘Kitchen Casino.' I feel like it's good to know what the competitors are going through.'-Bill Rancic
40+ Inspirational Quotes for Casino Players
'I wanted to disprove the notion that you couldn't open a great restaurant in a casino.'-David Chang
'The contemporary casino is more than a gambling destination: it is a multifarious pleasure enclosure intended to satisfy every member of the family unit.'-Colson Whitehead
'There has been great laziness in my soul. Lots of days I could write songs, but I could also take my $400 and play the slot machines at the riverfront casino.'-Chuck Berry
'I didn't want to do ‘Casino Royale' when they told me to audition. I said no. Then they sent me the script, and I thought it was actually very interesting – and I had no other work at the time.'-Eva Green
'As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.'-Bill Engvall
'I could not pass up the opportunity to build and operate a casino next door to my hometown. This casino will be where Louisiana locals and Texans will want to play, stay, and enjoy themselves.'-Tilman J. Fertitta
'If you spend a week at a casino you will very easily see that people have a certain way of behaving in a casino.'-Mads Mikkelsen
'When we grew up, we wanted to do two things: to own a sports team and a casino.'-Dan Gilbert
Famous Casino Movie Quotes
Inspirational Gambling Stories Funny
'In the Fifties, Canvey was a top seaside place for a youngster – the famous Canvey Island Casino was full of slot machines and there were all the fairground rides, such as the dodgems, and a speedway track.'-Harry Redknapp
'I'm not a gambler, let's just say that, nor have I ever been a dealer at a casino.'-Anna Gunn
'Wall Street has become a veritable casino.'-Maurice Allais
'Stack the cards in your favor, and in a casino, you'll get arrested and put in prison, but in business and in life, it's the right thing to do.'-Theo Paphitis
'My whole business philosophy is based on a risk-reward ratio. But it's got to stack up. If it doesn't, don't do it. You might as well go to a casino.'-Theo Paphitis
'We have never heard of laundering in Macau; money laundering is unheard of. Mind you, my casino, every bit of money – someone says Stanley Ho, you issue me a check of so much money – we don't give that easy.'-Stanley Ho
'Let's embrace productive capitalism, not casino capitalism, by restoring transparency and true competition in the commodities markets.'-Maria Cantwell
Best Casino Popular Quotes And Sayings
'Games of chance often involve some amount of skill; this does not make them legal. Good poker players often beat novices. But poker is still gambling, and running a poker room – or online casino – is illegal in New York.'-Eric Schneiderman
'Casino games are the one kind of content that has stood the test of time for decades.'-Brock Pierce
'Who would have thought that a tap-dancing penguin would outpoint James Bond at the box office? And deserve to? Not that there's anything wrong with ‘Casino Royale.' But ‘Happy Feet' – written and directed by George Miller – is a complete charmer, even if, in the way of most family fare, it can't resist straying into the Inspirational.'-Robert Gottlieb
'The government, of course, will print money to bail out the banks' uncovered casino bets, but not bail out the elderly from the theft of their funds.'-Paul Craig Roberts
'I particularly remember with ‘Casino,' everyone was like, ‘It's not ‘Goodfellas!' No, it's not ‘Goodfellas.' That's right: it's a different movie. Now, everyone thinks ‘Casino' is a masterpiece.'-Thelma Schoonmaker
The 20 Greatest Gambling Quotes
'In ‘Casino,' there was this scene where Bob De Niro tape-records Sharon Stone's phone call. Then he asks her about where she's going, and he catches her in a lie. It was a great scene, especially for Bob's work, but we found that, in light of the whole film, it wasn't needed.'-Thelma Schoonmaker
'Casino games such as roulette, blackjack, baccarat, slot machines and so on, are stacked in favor of the house.'-Victoria Coren Mitchell
'I like theme parks. The fastest roller coaster I've ever been on is at a casino in Nevada.'-Tia Carrere
'I would love to have gone there, fight at Madison Square Garden or a casino in Las Vegas, but there are no American heavyweights now who can pose a challenge to me.'-David Haye
'A Rogue by Any Other Name' is the first book in the ‘Rules of Scoundrels' series, centered on a legendary pre-Victorian casino and her four scandalous aristocratic owners.'-Sarah MacLean
Greatest Casino Quotes About Challenge
'I can be much more creative with my menus in the casino cities. In New York, there are certain things I can't make. In Las Vegas, they're much more receptive. Rabbit, some seafood – they won't necessarily do well in New York, but I'll try them in Las Vegas, and they'll be a success.'-Joel Robuchon
'I like to think of the world as a sort of a casino, except the house doesn't have the advantage. If you're smart, you have an advantage. It behooves you to place a lot of bets.'-Evan Williams
'What I don't want to see in our political system corrupted by gambling money, especially casino gambling money.'-Robert J. Bentley
Inspirational Gambling Stories Images
'Hollywood is a casino. You have to put your chips on the table and hope for the best.'-Byron Allen
'I felt ‘Quantum of Solace' completely lost its way. We were lucky on ‘Casino Royale:' it was the origin story of Bond. Bond had the one and only affair that meant anything to him and affected him throughout the rest of the series.'-Martin Campbell
Inspirational Gambling Stories For Men
'If you're a poker player and you show up at a casino at 8 a.m., you're going to be by yourself or with some people that are rocks and just don't give you any action.'-Chris Moneymaker
The guy climbed down off the bar and said, 'That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!'
Check out our awesome collection of Walks Into A Bar Jokes
Liked these gambling jokes? Then share them with everyone you know.
Related Links: 1. Gambling Jokes from Sickipedia.org 2. Gambling Jokes from Jokes4us.com
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Casino Quotes:- A casino is a facility for certain types of gambling. Some casinos are also known for hosting live entertainment, such as stand-up comedy, concerts, and sports.
Inspirational Casino Quotes And Sayings
'When Republicans say they want to run a government ‘like a business,' they apparently mean ‘run government like a Trump casino headed straight for bankruptcy court.'-Tom Steyer
'I go to Vegas now, and I'm in the casino, and I'm rambling, and there's a guy in a wet bathing suit gambling right next to me.'-Sebastian Maniscalco
'I still pinch myself that I have a second-hand Aston Martin DBS Volante, the convertible model of James Bond's car from ‘Quantum of Solace' and ‘Casino Royale.'-Paul Hollywood
'Casino gambling is colorful and dramatic and theatrical.'-Steve Wynn
'There is a respectable body of economic thought that holds that casino gambling is actually economically regressive to a state and a community.'-Mario Cuomo
'I competed in a test round of ‘Kitchen Casino.' I feel like it's good to know what the competitors are going through.'-Bill Rancic
40+ Inspirational Quotes for Casino Players
'I wanted to disprove the notion that you couldn't open a great restaurant in a casino.'-David Chang
'The contemporary casino is more than a gambling destination: it is a multifarious pleasure enclosure intended to satisfy every member of the family unit.'-Colson Whitehead
'There has been great laziness in my soul. Lots of days I could write songs, but I could also take my $400 and play the slot machines at the riverfront casino.'-Chuck Berry
'I didn't want to do ‘Casino Royale' when they told me to audition. I said no. Then they sent me the script, and I thought it was actually very interesting – and I had no other work at the time.'-Eva Green
'As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.'-Bill Engvall
'I could not pass up the opportunity to build and operate a casino next door to my hometown. This casino will be where Louisiana locals and Texans will want to play, stay, and enjoy themselves.'-Tilman J. Fertitta
'If you spend a week at a casino you will very easily see that people have a certain way of behaving in a casino.'-Mads Mikkelsen
'When we grew up, we wanted to do two things: to own a sports team and a casino.'-Dan Gilbert
Famous Casino Movie Quotes
Inspirational Gambling Stories Funny
'In the Fifties, Canvey was a top seaside place for a youngster – the famous Canvey Island Casino was full of slot machines and there were all the fairground rides, such as the dodgems, and a speedway track.'-Harry Redknapp
'I'm not a gambler, let's just say that, nor have I ever been a dealer at a casino.'-Anna Gunn
'Wall Street has become a veritable casino.'-Maurice Allais
'Stack the cards in your favor, and in a casino, you'll get arrested and put in prison, but in business and in life, it's the right thing to do.'-Theo Paphitis
'My whole business philosophy is based on a risk-reward ratio. But it's got to stack up. If it doesn't, don't do it. You might as well go to a casino.'-Theo Paphitis
'We have never heard of laundering in Macau; money laundering is unheard of. Mind you, my casino, every bit of money – someone says Stanley Ho, you issue me a check of so much money – we don't give that easy.'-Stanley Ho
'Let's embrace productive capitalism, not casino capitalism, by restoring transparency and true competition in the commodities markets.'-Maria Cantwell
Best Casino Popular Quotes And Sayings
'Games of chance often involve some amount of skill; this does not make them legal. Good poker players often beat novices. But poker is still gambling, and running a poker room – or online casino – is illegal in New York.'-Eric Schneiderman
'Casino games are the one kind of content that has stood the test of time for decades.'-Brock Pierce
'Who would have thought that a tap-dancing penguin would outpoint James Bond at the box office? And deserve to? Not that there's anything wrong with ‘Casino Royale.' But ‘Happy Feet' – written and directed by George Miller – is a complete charmer, even if, in the way of most family fare, it can't resist straying into the Inspirational.'-Robert Gottlieb
'The government, of course, will print money to bail out the banks' uncovered casino bets, but not bail out the elderly from the theft of their funds.'-Paul Craig Roberts
'I particularly remember with ‘Casino,' everyone was like, ‘It's not ‘Goodfellas!' No, it's not ‘Goodfellas.' That's right: it's a different movie. Now, everyone thinks ‘Casino' is a masterpiece.'-Thelma Schoonmaker
The 20 Greatest Gambling Quotes
'In ‘Casino,' there was this scene where Bob De Niro tape-records Sharon Stone's phone call. Then he asks her about where she's going, and he catches her in a lie. It was a great scene, especially for Bob's work, but we found that, in light of the whole film, it wasn't needed.'-Thelma Schoonmaker
'Casino games such as roulette, blackjack, baccarat, slot machines and so on, are stacked in favor of the house.'-Victoria Coren Mitchell
'I like theme parks. The fastest roller coaster I've ever been on is at a casino in Nevada.'-Tia Carrere
'I would love to have gone there, fight at Madison Square Garden or a casino in Las Vegas, but there are no American heavyweights now who can pose a challenge to me.'-David Haye
'A Rogue by Any Other Name' is the first book in the ‘Rules of Scoundrels' series, centered on a legendary pre-Victorian casino and her four scandalous aristocratic owners.'-Sarah MacLean
Greatest Casino Quotes About Challenge
'I can be much more creative with my menus in the casino cities. In New York, there are certain things I can't make. In Las Vegas, they're much more receptive. Rabbit, some seafood – they won't necessarily do well in New York, but I'll try them in Las Vegas, and they'll be a success.'-Joel Robuchon
'I like to think of the world as a sort of a casino, except the house doesn't have the advantage. If you're smart, you have an advantage. It behooves you to place a lot of bets.'-Evan Williams
'What I don't want to see in our political system corrupted by gambling money, especially casino gambling money.'-Robert J. Bentley
Inspirational Gambling Stories Images
'Hollywood is a casino. You have to put your chips on the table and hope for the best.'-Byron Allen
'I felt ‘Quantum of Solace' completely lost its way. We were lucky on ‘Casino Royale:' it was the origin story of Bond. Bond had the one and only affair that meant anything to him and affected him throughout the rest of the series.'-Martin Campbell
Inspirational Gambling Stories For Men
'If you're a poker player and you show up at a casino at 8 a.m., you're going to be by yourself or with some people that are rocks and just don't give you any action.'-Chris Moneymaker
Inspirational Gambling Stories Quotes
'Like so much in Singapore, admission to the Marina Bay's casino is hierarchical: Free for anyone with an international passport, costly for locals, off-limits to migrant workers altogether.'-Alan Huffman
'My father was a gambler. My father could not resist a casino or a card game. He loved gambling.'-Samuel Goldwyn, Jr.
